MIDDLE GROUND — Letting Go of Extremes
All-or-nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion where you view situations in extremes, with no middle ground. It's a common mental habit that can impact decision-making, relationships, and overall well-being.
What All-or-Nothing Thinking Looks Like
Perfectionism: "If I can’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all."
Self-Criticism: "If I make one mistake, I’ve completely failed."
Relationships: "If they disagree with me, they must not care about me."
Goals: "I didn’t stick to my diet today, so I might as well give up entirely."
This type of thinking creates unnecessary pressure and can lead to procrastination, low self-esteem, or feeling stuck.
Why It Happens
Coping Mechanism: Simplifying complex situations into all-or-nothing categories can feel like a way to manage overwhelm.
Fear of Uncertainty: It’s easier to label things as "good" or "bad" rather than face the ambiguity in between.
Learned Patterns: This habit often stems from past experiences, societal influences, or self-imposed expectations.
How It Affects You
Emotional Stress: Viewing life in extremes can heighten anxiety, frustration, and guilt.
Missed Opportunities: Dismissing progress or partial success keeps you from appreciating small wins.
Stalled Growth: Fear of failure can prevent you from taking risks or learning from mistakes.
Shifting Away from All-or-Nothing Thinking
Practice Self-Awareness
Notice when you're thinking in absolutes like "always," "never," or "completely."
Ask yourself: Is this really true?
Embrace the Gray Areas
Life is rarely black-and-white; most situations fall somewhere in between.
Replace "I failed" with "I’m learning" or "I made progress."
Celebrate Partial Success
Focus on what you did accomplish rather than what you didn’t.
Progress is still progress, no matter how small.
Challenge Perfectionism
Remind yourself that doing something imperfectly is better than not doing it at all.
Give yourself permission to be human and make mistakes.
Reframe Negative Thoughts
Instead of "I didn’t finish my workout, so it doesn’t count," try "I moved my body today, and that’s a win."
Set Realistic Goals
Break tasks into smaller, achievable steps.
Acknowledge that effort matters as much as results.
The Benefits of Letting Go of Extremes
Shifting away from all-or-nothing thinking allows for more flexibility, self-compassion, and resilience. You’ll find it easier to adapt, stay motivated, and appreciate the journey rather than fixating on the outcome.
Remember, progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence. By embracing balance, you create space for growth, creativity, and a greater sense of peace.
Tapping Script: Softening All-or-Nothing Thinking
Tapping the side of your hand (repeat 3X):
Even though I sometimes fall into all-or-nothing thinking, I choose to meet myself with kindness right now.
Even though part of me sees things as all good or all bad, I’m open to softening around this pattern.
Even though I may judge myself for this tendency, I don’t have to make it wrong. I can accept myself just as I am, even here.
Tapping through the points:
This all-or-nothing part of me…
It’s been here for a long time.
It tries to keep me safe…
Maybe it learned that clarity meant control.
That it’s easier to say yes or no, right or wrong, success or failure...
Rather than live in the uncertainty in between.
And that’s okay.
I don’t have to judge it.
I don’t have to fix it right now.
I can simply notice this tendency…
And start to breathe around it.
Maybe this all-or-nothing thinking came from overwhelm.
From needing things to feel simple, certain, and safe.
Maybe it was a coping mechanism —
A way to manage too many emotions at once.
And that’s okay too.
Maybe I can begin to loosen my grip on it.
Maybe I can start to let go of the tension in my body when things aren’t perfect.
When I don’t get it all right.
When I’m somewhere in between.
I choose to know, it’s safe to let that middle ground exist.
To breathe into it.
To soften into it.
I don’t have to choose between comfort or discomfort, success or failure.
There’s space for all of it.
I’m learning to hold more shades of experience.
To let myself be human —
Not perfect, not broken — just whole and evolving.
Even when I catch myself in this pattern,
I can smile at it gently and say,
“Oh, there’s that old habit again.”
No need to fight it.
No need to make it wrong.
Just awareness… and a little more softness each time.
I don’t need to fix this today.
It’s enough to notice, to breathe, and to release a little of the tension around it.
Every time I do, my body relaxes.
My mind finds balance.
And my heart opens a little more to the possibility of peace in the in-between.
Closing Round:
I’m allowed to make space for progress, not perfection.
I’m allowed to be both learning and growing, both strong and tender.
I don’t have to have it all figured out — I just need to stay open.
And in this openness, I’m already healing.
